Bed Wedges Are Awesome

For the past several years, on an on-and-off basis, I’ve had breathing problems where I need to have my upper body elevated while I attempt to sleep, usually poorly. In the past I’ve done the stacking-two-pillows thing (bad neck issues usually result), or sitting up against the headboard (the problem is that it’s too straight, so my lower back suffers when my body inevitably slips downwards).

A gentle incline is needed, but the last time I had that was when I ended up in the hospital.1 I didn’t know very much about bed wedges, so never tried to get one, until Rosa recommended one to me.

And because of course Amazon sells a lot of things, and one of the things they sell is this:


Duro-Med Bed Wedge, 12″ x 24″ x 24″

I decided to get one from them. This product is “Fulfilled by Amazon”, and I have a Prime Membership, but I had decided to buy one very late in the week—a little too late for 2-day shipping (free) or even 1-day ($3.99 per item) to arrive before next week. But it was not too late for Saturday 1-day ($6.99 per item).

And seeing as I’ve been really breathing badly the past few days, I was very willing to pay the $6.99. And I really did get it on Saturday, so all good.

And man, it’s awesome.

You can set it up so that it’s very tall, and sit against it; or you can set it down so that it’s very long and gently inclined, and lie on it, and it’s very wonderful. However, the thing is indeed firm, a bit like a very light rock. But it’s about as wide as the average pillow, and two such pillows will cover it nicely, with a little bit of overlay at the top. I have feather pillows, so this set-up is incredibly nice—the soft top over a really, really firm incline. I don’t have back problems with this thing.

And with this wedge, I’ve been able to fall asleep without Ambien. I can even doze off in the afternoon or morning, and I haven’t been able to do that before. All in all, I’ve had about four sleeping periods on the thing. What dreams come are pleasant, if weird, not unpleasant and all sorts of wrong. That could always change, of course.

Anyways, I love my bed wedge, and wonder how I’ll ever survive at hotels without it. Not that I’m traveling this year (woe) for I’ve been too ill too often. But next year.

*hugs the wedge*
*the wedge does NOT hug back because it’s like a block of wood*
*puts pillows on the wedge and hugs the result*
*slight hug back from pillow-covered wedge*

G’night. Even if it still feels like 6pm or something, I don’t know, daylight savings time really horks me up.

  1. Pneumonia. It was an especially bad flu season. []
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The Thing About Apologies and Being a Dick

Sometimes I act like a dick. We all have at some point, but that does not excuse nor lessen dickishness.

I did this pretty recently (as in a couple hours ago). Oh Internets, how you shorten time so drastically.

It all began with someone on Twitter appearing to claim that I recommended his website:

kendawes: RT @ArachneJericho: @mightymur #wordpress The Web Mechanic’s “10 Steps to WordPress Security Protection” http://nn.nf/1bfop [link]

I never tweeted that to Mur Lafferty (who had a site hacked, unfortunately). The RT above appears to claim I did. Perhaps it was an innocent mistake; some Twitter client software (like Tweetdeck, which Ken Dawes used) like to automate things a little too much.

So I asked Ken Dawes why he had done this:

arachnejericho: @kendawes I never tweeted that. I don’t know why you’re claiming I did. @mightymur [link]

Which was fine, sort of; I shouldn’t have acted like he meant it when it was quite possible this was just a misunderstanding/mistyping/whatnot.

And what really wasn’t fine was when I went immediately off the deep end, for reasons I’m not quite sure of—though regardless, if they were there, they were neither relevant nor good reasons.

Here’s me, a complete idiot with over-aggressive tendencies, going off the deep end:

arachnejericho: .@kendawes OH, I get it. You’re a spammer. I never recommended you for WordPress security advice, much less payment for such. I never will. [link]

arachnejericho: OH FFS. Now other people are claiming I RT’d you, @kendawes. I would not recommend you if you were the last guy on earth who knew this stuff [link]

(Context for the second tweet: a retweet bot had picked up on the keywords involved in Ken Dawes’ tweet.)

To which Ken Dawes replied:

kendawes: @ArachneJericho Yep I don’t know you either… However I don’t speak poorly of those I don’t even know [link]

kendawes: @ArachneJericho Nor am I responsible for what others retweet … By the way… The wordpress tips are offered for free Get a life! [link]

And really, I deserved all that he said. I made assumptions that were grossly incorrect (e.g., that he charged for his services, when he didn’t; although web traffic driving is another concern, but not anywhere in the same league) and assumed he was spamming, when he wasn’t. Even if he had mis-represented me earlier intentionally, he did not deserve that heap of abuse I heaped upon him.

Big failure on my part. I sent him the question again (why the claim) and an apology as well, although it is really a half-arsed one, but 140 characters is occasionally difficult to deal with:

arachnejericho: @kendawes I don’t take kindly to others putting words in my mouth. You did. You never apologized even when I brought it to your attention. [link]

arachnejericho: .@kendawes However, I do agree that I took things too far and insulted you for no good reason. For that, I apologize. [link]

However, note that I still acted like a dick. Which, no matter how justified it might actually be—and there’s a possibility it’s not in this case, everything being a mistake and all—is a dickish thing to do. You’d think I’d have learned from previous, vicarious observations of Internet conversations… but no, I had to be a dick multiple times, even with an apology.

So here is a real apology for my over-responsive dickishness:

Dear Ken Dawes,

My sincerest apologies for acting like a dick to you for one single tweet, which was most likely a mistake. However, whether or not that was the case, I completely over-reacted and made idiotic assumptions about you from that single tweet.

If I had thought about it further, I should have just shrugged and let it pass, because, you know, it’s not a big thing.

However, I chose instead to act like a dick. And that was stupid.

I am sorry I acted like a dick. I will keep this in mind next time, and do my best to not be a dick in similar situations.

Of course, it would have helped tons for me to not have over-reacted to little niggling things in the first place.

Sincerely,
Arachne Jericho

And perhaps I’m over-reacting, but hell, I over-reacted in the first place anyways. And perhaps someone will claim that this is all just an attempt to bring about attention on myself, because I’m just an attention whore and sick in the head; well, all I can say is that I’m not, and I simply just feel horrible whenever I over-step and act like a dick. Maybe over-horribly.

Anyways, there are two more tenets about Internet conversation I should keep in mind (and should have kept in mind):

  1. Bringing about a situation in which another party feels you did them harm, whether or not it is “true”, whether or not they would care about your apology, is being a dick.

  2. Even if you apologize, you should never expect the apology to be accepted. Because you were being a dick. But not making the apology in the first place… is being more of a dick.

However, that all still boils down to: “Don’t be a dick.”

And there we are.

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OMG STARS

Flagstaff, AZ: one of the few places in the US where you can wander onto a random hilltop not far from town and see this.

The picture at Astronomy Picture of the Day is from April 16, 2008 and they have the full-size picture, which is huge.

So… yes. The sky really does look like that. Wow.

It would be so weird to be able to see that from my window. And also kind of scary. Certainly such a view would make me think about space more. When I see these pictures, I tend to think of scenes in various SF books I read, and understand them rather more. I have to admit that most of the pictures in my head come from The Last Colony at the moment, because the main characters actually do some star gazing. As opposed to running from lasers and fighting aliens and having political curb stomps and so on, which feels like most of SF (and also the rest of the book).

I found one very screamy site that is furious the night sky is not visible like this. I’m not sure that vandalism is really the way to go to reduce light pollution.

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Bedtime Stories for Cats of All Ages

CORALINE

CAT DREAMS

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Personal Epiphany About Van Gogh’s Starry Night

So the night really does look like:

We don’t see it because of light pollution these days… these days we see a black night punctured by a few stars.

Before the light pollution started to really hit the sky, Van Gogh painted his most famous work, “The Starry Night”:

So the swirls aren’t clouds—they’re clouds of stars, a galaxy or the Milky Way crossing the sky or similar. He painted this scene from memory as well, so there’s an extra layer of interpretation to go through, I suppose… but now I think the painting is quite beautiful.

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Does the Sky Really Look Like This?

Enchanting, beautiful, and somehow sad, because most of us will never see a sky like this in person ever. Too much light pollution.

The musical cue is from The Village, amazingly enough, and it’s not one that’s available on the CD. Darn it. It’s just so beautiful all by itself.

Best seen in full-screen mode.

Via Things You Wouldn’t Know If We Didn’t Blog Incessantly

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Thoughts on the Cultural Appropriation of Geek Culture and Race

I swore to the gods that I wouldn’t write about race again. It’s like sticking my hand in a blender every time. And the problem is that I can never forget the damage.

So … in the interest of sticking my hand in a blender in a different way, here’s an allegory of sorts for folks who wonder why people of color get so upset sometimes about cultural appropriation. I feel like I’m going to end up trivializing race here, but many people have a strong identity of themselves as being of Geek Culture, whatever that means to them, so perhaps this is a good starting point.

Remember that awful “I Am a Geek” video?

Yeah, that one, which involved Wil Wheaton and changed entirely from conception to execution. The end result, many people felt, was a betrayal of who they were as geeks. Exploitation, even, from mainstream media, shuffling off real geeks and replacing with celebrities who did not understand even the most basic things about being a geek—even shunned such things and put them down. Parts of our culture. Damn it.

As Wil Wheaton eloquently put it:

When you’re speaking to people who read TMZ and People magazine, getting contributions from MC Hammer, Ashton Kutcher and Shaq is a logical choice. But when you’re speaking to geeks, it’s insulting to us to pretend that they are part of and speak for our culture. Those people are not geeks; they’re celebrities who happen to use Twitter. Featuring them as “geeks” undermines the whole effort, because they aren’t like us. I’ve been a geek my whole life. I’ve suffered for it, I’ve struggled because of it, and I’ve worked incredibly hard to remove the social stigma associated with all these things we love, like gaming and programming. It’s like a slap in the face to be associated with these people who claim to be like me, and want to be part of our culture, but couldn’t tell you the difference between Slackware and Debian, a d8 and a d10, or how to use vi or emacs. In other words, they haven’t earned it, but they’re wrapping themselves in our flag because their PR people told them to.

In other words, mainstream appropriated geek culture and turned it into something that no geek would have been part of willingly. It gets worse, and hasn’t stopped; anywhere from TV shows and movies that claim to show geeks but don’t, to attempts to list, say, sexiest geeks, but almost nobody on the list is actually geeky.

This upset a lot of people.

This is what people of other appropriated cultures feel like. Well. Perhaps a proximity. But the outrage is there. The anger is there. The reaction of indignant is there.

Who are people, who’ve never been outside of mainstream, know about us geeks? What do people who’ve only gone on African safaris know about the black experience in America?

Of course, neither are simple black-and-white affairs, but perhaps you see my point here—or perhaps not. I don’t care. I just wanted to say this, because I’ve been living with seeing these parallel reactions and I wanted to get it off my chest before it drove me crazy, particularly with the current hubbub around Spinrad and cultural appropriation.

I give points to Spinrad for trying to express something about cultural appropriation. Unfortunately, like that video, he started with good intentions—probably—and it morphed into something that pissed people off instead, that was itself a gross misunderstanding. And people of course feel betrayed. Of course there is anger. Of course we felt that the people who created that video are tools; of course people of color feel that Spinrad was a tool.

And, you know, have you ever tried explaining geek culture and why that video pissed you off to someone who didn’t see a problem because they just didn’t know how much, say, D&D and tech and comics and fantasy and SF and Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica and on and on and on—they didn’t know how much that means to us. They also often don’t try to understand. Like talking to a brick wall, sometimes, eh?

That’s how people of color feel—or, let’s cast the net more widely and include people of cultures in general, like Irish who are pissed off about mainstream’s appropriation of their culture, starting with St. Patrick’s Day and going downhill from there; or Italians who are pissed off about having their culture shown off as being a mob culture; or Americans who are pissed off about how Europe doesn’t understand us in our diversity; and so on and so forth—this is how people of culture feel when they try to explain things to an outsider.

And that outsider thinks that because they use Twitter, or because they spent a year in Paris, or because they watched American reality shows, or because they read manga, that they know better than geeks, the French, Americans, or the Japanese, about how they live, about how they feel about mainstream culture misrepresenting them.

Plus, geek culture is quite varied. So are the cultures of other people. But mainstream doesn’t see us that way, they think we’re a caricature, a stereotype, and that’s that. And sometimes geeks don’t see people of color that way, they see a caricature, a stereotype. Oh, people can say that every stereotype has a grain of truth in it; but what stereotypes really are is a misunderstanding and over-simplification of an entire group of people.

There is one more thing I want to cover. And that’s the concept of safe spaces. I feel like this happens every time people talk about “safe spaces” for stories—you know, like all-female anthologies, or all-Asian anthologies, or suchlike. Why are these safe spaces, but white male anthologies, say, aren’t?

Well, when you were a geek in high school, did you feel like hanging out with the rest of the non-geeks and talk about D&D? Of course not. They would make fun of you. They would put things down. They wouldn’t understand. They’re mainstream; they didn’t need a safe space to discuss sci-fi or role-playing games or Linux distributions or what have you. We did. Sometimes individual parts of geek culture need safe spaces from all the other ones.

But we would never say that mainstream needed a safe space. They already have all the space they could ever want. They marginalize us, not the other way around. Many of them don’t mean to. It just happens. It’s how things are—at present.

This is similar to how white male writers marginalize—even if they don’t mean to—female writers, or writers of color, or transgender writers, or gay/lesbian writers, or indeed, anything that’s not the “mainstream” of SF and fantasy. And that’s why safe spaces are more important for the marginalized than they are for the mainstream—indeed, one could say that the mainstream doesn’t need it.

And of course, the fact that anthologies that are specifically all SF or specifically all fantasy, or even sub-genres of such, exist is because they are themselves safe spaces for us from the wider mainstream media.

Anyways, these are the parallels I want to draw. Maybe they’ll help you understand things better. Or not. After all, allegories aren’t perfect, and there are some things about race that run deeper than being a geek.

I could give up my geek habits—indeed, I have done so numerous times—but I cannot forget that I am Vietnamese, because that is simply part of my longer heritage. Or, more practically speaking, I look Vietnamese—I can never not look Vietnamese.1 Mainstream culture will treat me the way I look, not the way I am.

Of course, this is why I’m online so much. And why I tend to take on white male avatars and a white male identity. Because then I can forget, for a little while. This is not right to do. It’s kind of like melding with mainstream culture and throwing away your role-playing games in an attempt to “grow up” and fit in. Only perhaps kind of worse.2

Anyhoo. Those are my thoughts on yaoi race.

And if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if I can get my hand out of the blender fast enough this time. In fact, I’m turning off comments, though not pingbacks… probably. I just don’t want to deal with this stuff. I hate dealing with this stuff. I’m sure sometimes y’all hate trying to explain to non-geek overly religious people with crazy ideas why D&D is not the downfall of teenage morality. It’s kind of like that.

Thank you for reading, even if you hate me.

  1. North Vietnamese. Not so much South. []
  2. For the full story of my self-hatred of my race, you can read this. []
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Feeling Better, But Not Really

I went to see Overreactive Doctor, who said I had a small ear infection, maybe, and WE SHOULD TRY ANTIBIOTICS RIGHT NOW!

Ah… no, not yet. I’m out of breath, we’ve determined it’s neither bronchitis nor pneumonia, and maybe we should wait.

So we wait for Monday, or sommat. I’m still sick and mostly the problem is that I’m out of breath almost all the time. If I could be constantly hooked to my inhaler I would. They gave me a nebulizer treatment at the clinic, and it helped a lot (and even restored color to my cheeks, apparently), and it has helped a lot. It’ll probably go away later this evening.

In the meantime I’m thinking about either sleep or work. Probably sleep first, then work. Or it might be sleep all evening. Only my body knows at this point.

I hope it’s happy I’ve seen the doctor and we’re not dying.

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Scary Dreams: Sometimes You Wonder If Your Body is Trying to Tell You Something

They say that sometimes dreams are the body’s way of communicating with you that something serious is wrong with it. I don’t know if this is really the case or not; “they” know a lot of things, and not all of them make sense or are even true.

Anyways, my dream was only scary towards the end and not because of my parents. I remember fragments, but a lot more than I usually do. For instance:

  • I remember trying to buy this game1 and all its only-imaginary-for-now expansions, only it had changed to also involve tile-laying and a big plastic dragon at the villain side of the board, for the shizzle.

  • Somehow this lead to a restaurant I tried buying food from… either in another dream or from something I remember during my flight from some of the Nothing in the Midwest, a lot of which felt like a dream all by itself. It was a rather strange restaurant, one of those places where you get the food from a half-door “counter”.

  • Somehow this led to me working at a sort of hospital for older people, or rather, people who are sick but considered “older” so they ended up there. Probably something to do with HCR going on right now, the gods only know why. Also, I was very concerned with how to store the many, many new plastic pieces from the above game (I decided on color, by the way, in special zip-pocketed clear plastic album pages).

  • The guy I was assigned to, I think, resembled a sort of amalgam of all the looks-like-40 faces of people I’ve seen and, for some reason, I keep thinking that’s mostly from author jackets as well, you know, where you can see the picture of the author in the back and it usually doesn’t look like him right now. He was nice, but frustrated.

  • He got a really, really crappy touchscreen computer assigned to him. I think it was just standard procedure in possibly The Future, everyone gets an iPad-like device, even if it sux0rs and has a really ancient Mac OS installed on it. I searched the Interwebs for instructions on how to install Linux on it, to make it somewhat better, if we possibly could. He politely turned this down at the end.

  • Then I got sick. Really, really sick. Blackout (in a freaking dream) kind of sick. I ended up in the same hospital of minor, kind of negligent care, because… because… I don’t know… I might have lot my job in the dream, I didn’t remember having a job. The guy I had been taking care of visited me once during this delirium-within-a-dream, and I was horrified because he was out of bed and shouldn’t be.

Then I woke up, and as short enough of breath to be really scary. I do get asthma from colds and flu, but usually not that badly. Or has it been that badly? Anyways, I took some stuff from my inhaler and am okayish now, but standard procedure for me is to go see the doctor in case either bronchitis or pneumonia have taken up residence.

I was really quite scared I was dying for a few minutes after I woke up. It doesn’t help that I’ve been having a lot of trouble swallowing pills for my nightly medication. I’m going to be seeing the doctor this afternoon.

I’m fortunately not completely disabled, and damn it if this stupid thing is going to keep me in bed and away from work (though I am working from home). I hate being sick so much. It breaks a lot of my obligations and just…. oh, I hate it.

Anyways, I’ll see what the doctor says. My regular doctor isn’t in today, so I’ll be seeing one of the other doctors. I skipped over seeing the nasty one and went with the nice but yet overreactive one. I hope she doesn’t overreact too much, but I really don’t want to see the nasty one, who usually thinks I’m making up my symptoms. I am not completely sure how one makes up a constricted throat like I had last year, but that was her opinion, and maybe there’s something in that, because surely a doctor wouldn’t be really dismissive.

Or maybe they would. Or maybe they aren’t, and I’m really making everything up in my head. I’m pretty sure the last part is not true, but I’m not completely sure.

It’s hard to think sometimes about certain things, because I remember having had to believe some quite incredible things to survive a time with my mostly illogical father. As a result, the true relation of cause and effect in life outside of my job (programming, system administration) is at times only coincidental, and what people say cause and effect is takes precedence, even if it’s technically messed up and even if I know it is.

Gods I’m messed up.

funny pictures of cats with captions

And I don’t see my bartender for a while. He has a lot of cases to work with, most of them in jobs like mine.

  1. Tom Vassel does awesome board game reviews. He’s reviewing Heroscape in a 5 part series right now. I so love that game. []
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Yes, People Should Care

There is one disturbing comment that has been sticking in my mind over and over and over in the Spinrad debacle.

The comment is from Jeff VanderMeer, and in it he says:

Yes, the comment is stupid and ignorant. Rather than righteous indignation, though, perhaps you might’ve had patience and engaged with the rest of it, or even contacted Spinrad first and seen what he had to say, started a dialogue and seen where it took you. I guess what I’m saying is I totally understand why, for example, Nnedi would shake with rage, but you’re farther removed from the center of that comment.

Emphasis mine.

This part of Jeff’s very long comment (which had mostly other stuff in it too, apart from this bit that sticks in my mind) was upon Jason Sanford getting so angry, even though he is not black, and thus not directly affected and thus should not be too angry to engage in discourse with Spinrad.

That is… an ignorant paragraph, even though it’s part of a much longer comment full of other stuff. It’s presumptuous even though you’re Jeff VanderMeer. Sorry. I don’t think it’s surprising for Jason Sanford to be so angry that it distracts him. I don’t think it’s surprising at all if anyone has this reaction to Spinrad’s essay, whatever race or culture they’re part of.

<about me>
And yes… I tend to take the lead from the privileged when it comes to “why so angry?” and I should stop doing that.
</about me>

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