Month Archive: July 2009

Hello Tor.com Visitors

Hello and welcome (and also welcome back if you’ve been here before!).

This site is a bit of a mixed bag at times. At the moment there are days when I post about new SF/F books in the Kindle store, days when I post thoughts about stuff I’ve read, days when I post about personal stuff that I don’t mind people reading because why else would I put them here (lots of it is traumatic, though the heavy has been more light of late), and days when it’s nothing but videos and linkspam.

This site in the past had a lot of articles about blogging, a few of which got stumbled like crazy.

To this day you’ll find that my most popular post is on the Sherlock Holmes sister site, which made it into Wikipedia as a footnote.

I am such a geek at times.

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New Post at Tor.com: The Perrenial Hugos Ballyhoo

Because sometimes I want to draw hatred like a lightening rod.

Just kidding—I knew there would be maybe a few unhappy comments, and hope and think that people will be calm. And they are, really, right now, but the day and weekend are young; or at least they are to me, West Coaster that I am.

Sadly I can’t make much of an appearance in the comments over the weekend, because at work we’re still trying to launch something that burned up in the atmosphere most impressively, twice, but the point was to get it to the moon… so to speak. Thus I’ll be working on something that not only wrings me out mentally, but also reminds me that I have other things to worry about right now.

Anyways, here’s the post for your possible enjoyment.

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Overview of People of Color in Heroscape

Okay, I think this might be a little fun post for International Blog Against Racism Week, but I don’t know how much.

Heroscape is one of my favorite games ever. Not so much for the just-enough strategy, the quick game play, the cool figures, and the brilliant terrain building, but because… of its combination.

And also—and this is the most important reason—because it is crack fic on rocket fuel. Crack fic, if you don’t already know, is the combination of characters from vastly different times, universes, stories, legends, and so on. The first release of Heroscape alone had an orc on a dinosaur battling a Morpheus-like figure—Morpheus! Not Neo the One, but Morpheus!—battling a team of agents that had a woman in it battling samurai that actually looked realistically Asian battling soldiers from freaking World War II, with a serving of angels and robots on the side.

Now, the first set had mostly white folks, and some of the expansions don’t have PoC at all, but it’s still pretty racially aware for figure battle games (especially HeroClix). And while it occurs in Valhalla, I understand the need for a place of myth where people fight each other and then resurrect every day, because otherwise the game would be more than a little bit horrible. And the whole Valhalla thing is just a backdrop anyways, because otherwise there wouldn’t be aliens.

This is a bit weird perhaps, but I decided to take a stock of the people of color in Heroscape. They are heroes, some of them very strong picks—pseudo-Morpheus is an example—and some of them lead armies and are not to be messed with. There are no magical negroes. It’s all kinds of awesome… well, I think there should be more PoC, but you know. Sigh. Can’t win them all.

Now, I’m only going to look at the people from Earth. I’m not prepared to deal with the possible inter-racial complexities of, say, Marr, a planet where aliens live alongside cyborg gorillas and sentient snakes.

So here goes. I’m going to cover this set by set, because there’s a lot of units now. Some sets are small, a few are big, and two are master sets—that is, they come with a whole stack of figures and terrain pieces.

Rise of the Valkyrie: Master Set

Half of the cards that were human were PoC. The rest are aliens, robots, elves, and orcs, and they outnumber the humans. So this ratio is impressive.

Agent Carr

He’s a hero, not simply a part of a trio or quartet of a squad. He has cool powers—he’s able to pass by all figures, including hostile figure, without getting engaged in a battle, which gives him huge maneuverability. He’s also not likely to be the black guy who dies first in the SF movies, because he’s got a decent amount of life, a decent defense, and also a huge sword you don’t want to be near (6 damage in a set where 2 to 3 damage is the norm). Ranged damage that keeps you far, far away from him is the way to kill him.

Agent Carr rocked. He still does, actually.

Krav Maga Agents

A squad, which means little guys, but a group of little guys. They only have one life each, but then again, they can be in different places in the battlefield, and it really sucks to get hit three-four times in one turn by most squads anyways. This squad consists of a white guy, a woman, and a black guy—two Agent Smith style, with a Trinity thrown in for the lady. They have range—they can shoot people from far away—and they have a special power that makes them incredibly hard to kill from a distance. Killing them close up also tends to be nasty—see said issue about getting hit three times, and while 3 damage is somewhat the median in Heroscape, it is still quite decent. Especially from range.

Thematically, and also strategically, people love to combine Carr and the Agents.

Izumi Samurai

As I mentioned before, they look like actual Asians rather than a caricature—nothing creepy about their eyes, and their skin is a realistic shade of yellow for midland Japanese. They aren’t a showy squad like the agents, but their defense is nothing to sneeze at—and their special power, which mimics the samurai way of fighting, a sort of defense turned into offense—makes them ideal units to engage and tie up enemy units. Those trapped by them tend to not want to hit them, because they hit back on defense as well as on offense.

People underrated them at first, and but after some games they became regular picks, though a bit less so when more sets came along. But that’s okay, because more sets came long with literal armies of Japanese.

Okay, we’re going to pass through some sets without PoC. I’m also not going to cover these sets in much detail. Which is perhaps wrong, but I’m tired, and maybe I’ll go back later.

Malliddon’s Prophecy

No PoC. Sort of boo. But not too much boo, because there were only three human cards (a hero is represented by one card, and a squad is also represented by one card). The rest were robots, orcs, snakes, an angel1 with gray skin, and a demon2.

Utgar’s Rage

No PoC, three human cards, and the majority are, again, robots, orcs, snakes, angels/demons, and add to that aliens and werewolves. Including an adapted Egyptian god, though he’s also a werewolf (and a not a good figure at all, one of the consistent F’s in the various fan Heroscape gradings).

Jandar’s Oath

A squad of Tibetan monks (a bit creepy-colored, but then, this entire set was badly colored…)! Another squad of agents with a black guy, though no woman. Three other non-PoC human cards, making a good part of this set human, but the rest are cyborg gorillas, robots, angels, and alien very very nasty dogs.

Zanafor’s Discovery

Many white heroes, a white squad, but the first of the later numerous samurai squads makes an appearance. The other half of the set are elves, robots, snakes, and one undead mummy queen.

Thora’s Vengeance

Ninjas appear. Another samurai squad. Two squads of just women, although one is a squad of elves. But the other is a squad of agents, one black, and one might be interpreted as South Asian. Woot! The rest are a couple of white squads, a white hero (although perhaps they are better thought of as Mediterranean) followed by robots. Including robot rats. That are a very mean squad, let me tell you.

Dawn of Darkness

Samurai archers! And Kaemon Awa, who you do not, do not, want to mess with. There is an actual dwarf—not a fantasy dwarf either! But a human dwarf! He’s a viking and he moves slowly, but he’s still cute and annoying to deal with, which is one of the best kinds of Heroscape characters, because underestimation will screw you over most times. And the Einar Imperium is a squad of Kyrie that break the white Kyrie tradition—they seem to be African. With wings. A bit fragile, but you still want to get rid of them second (you want to get rid of their leader, a woman—though white—first).

The rest are zombies, orcs, demons, and bloodthirsty ghosts.

Fields of Valor

Two squads of Ashigaru soldiers, the sort of grunts of a samurai army. And oh yes, it’s a samurai army alright. Add in a Ninja. And now add in elves, robots, and a very thematic group of vampires. Very thematic; there’s a storyline and everything that show up in game play.

Defenders of Kinsland

Kato Katsuro, who you really want to kill as soon as possible when facing any kind of samurai or Ashigaru army led by him (none of this “whites are the best leaders for a colored army” crap). Two female ninjas, and also let me tell you that the women are covered up in Heroscape. No fetish armor. My gods. It’s so awesome.

A couple white cards, a team of hero wizard elves for people who love to RPG, aliens, and wolves.

Okay, the ninjas and samurai are getting to be a bit much, and really it’s a bit of a stereotype, but this game is pretty much about fighting other people, and it’s hard to come up with better, although an Asian guy part of a squad of agents would be really neat. Maybe a part of a bunch of fencers! This game does not shy away from giving Vikings lizard arms (really) or giving samurai armor from the future.

Also, it’s such an Asian moment in the sun. I love it anyways, despite the Unfortunate Implications. But then again, I would.

The Latest Expansion Set As of This Writing

I don’t remember the names of expansions, and not this one; they’re not very memorable, but they do serve as distinct shortenings.

Female ninja (it’s getting a bit much; probably the last ninja in the set) and Indians (a hero and a squad). I don’t know if the Indians are offensive or not; what I do know is that they don’t look like whites and they don’t look like overly red people, they just look like people who are called “red”, and they are one of the best counter-drafts to ranged figures, because they dodge well. I’m kind of glad they didn’t release the Indians anywhere near the expansion with the cowboys (much earlier on) because there might be Unfortunate Implications.

Add aliens, fantasy dwarves this time, and cute little robots that short-circuit the growing robot army, in particular the really annoying rats.

Big Expansion Sets

I’m not going to cover them in detail, because they’re an excuse to either add terrain or huge monsters, including a dragon for every Valkyrie general (the figures are divided into various thematic teams). Well, okay, Aquilla, who is the lone female of the generals—we think—has a gigantic poisonous mosquito, but it’s as big as any dragon and is just as capable of killing them.

Flagbearers

A very exclusive set. If you get the five of them together, you can sell them on eBay for $120, or $40 per figure, however you want to deal with package/shipping costs. An orc, a Western knight, an Eastern samurai (hey, that’s actually a nice symmetry), an elf, and… a big cyborg gorilla.

Invasion of the Marro

Almost everything is aliens, with a big hive figure, and there are four heroes against it all: a white guy, a female Asian ninja, a female Kyrie, and a robot.

Exclusives

These are figures usually handed out at cons, and are repaints of some of the squad figures. There’s a Tibetan monk, a female agent who does not look white (mulatto? South Asian? Mexican? I do not know, but her last name is Skahen, and I don’t know were that could come from at all), a knight, and an orc riding a sabertooth tiger. A polar sabertooth tiger. To go with the snow set, which has Bigfoots in it.

The Castle

I don’t remember the name, but it doesn’t matter, because everyone knows it’s the castle set. It’s very flexibly built for a castle set, actually, impressively so. Pretty much genius. There aren’t any figures, but there is a door that has a life and defense that you must “kill” to get into the castle.

Agent Carr is one of the more popular door killers, with his six damage and the way he can run in a battlefield all the way to the door, pretty much ignoring all enemies in the way. The Nakita agents (the agent squad of all women) is one of the most popular for attacking a castle. Many male figures with range are the best at defending a castle. Which is… a bit backwards, if you think about innuendos and stuff.

I shall sleep now.

  1. They’re called “Kyrie” in Heroscape, but they’ve got wings, so I call them angels anyways, even with all the Christian baggage—another win, I think, because the term Kyrie gets rid of religious weirdness with Unfortunate Implications. []
  2. Also a Kyrie. []
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And Now, Some Ancient Asian Powah Skin Care Tips and Products

Dedicated to the poor nice lady asking me about what kick-ass cream the lovely femme Asian use. I’m pretty sure someone was running a scam on her… That pisses me off even more than everything else, but moving on….

Skin has been a battle for me. I have horribly oily skin which, while resulting in looking 30 at the age of 60, in the meantime sprouts pimples left and right at the simple touch of a hand. Even the most slightest brush, and oogles of pores are drowning in skin oils.

I’ve been a veteran some decades, and here’s what works for me in the end. It may not work for you. But at least I’m not trying to sell you crap.

First step: Clean & Clear Oil-Free Deep Action Cream Cleaner for Sensitive Skin

For dry or wet skin, smooth a fair amount on your skin, then rinse cleanly—it tends to cling, but smoothly so. Every day, once in morning, once in evening. It really removes the oil that’s dribbled into your pores (and which would have resulted into annoying pimples). Feels refreshing, too.

Second Step: If you happen to have a pimple in progress, after the wash above, you want to apply a dab of this to the affected area, round and round, presing lightly, for 30 to 40 seconds, then rinsing thoroughly. And I mean thoroughly. It will discolor towels; part of its components bleach clothes. Keep out of the sun.

Out and About? These wipes are sturdy, moist, and get the job done while killing some of the things that sit on your face and pimple you out, including excess oil. Easy to put in the car.

And that’s about all my secretz.

Not mysterious, but cheap and quite findable.

Hope this helps.

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A Funny Thing Happened to Me at the Grocery Store the Other Day

Although how funny it is depends, I think, on your point of view.

Warning: this is inspired by International Blog Against Racism Week, though I’m not sure it really fits the theme, and anyways it’s full of uncomfortable things which may make you think way less of me, but I don’t really care, because you can’t think less of me than I already do.

So.

I was chillin’ in an Asian gift store, because I wanted some wall hangings. Said store also happened to sell cosmetics, kitchen items, a gazillion Hello Kitty horrors, health and beauty items… really a very nice store, if heavy on the Sanrio kitsch.

A nice white lady came up to me, maybe in her 20s to 40s, I’m not one to judge, and said, “Oh! I have to ask you a question. Do you know the name of this kind of skin cream that all the pretty young Asian women are using?”

Now that was… awkward, although she didn’t seem to notice. Why should she?

“… No?”

She looked vastly disappointed. “Oh, I thought you’d know.”

As if there was some kind of telepathy between young Asian women.

Wouldn’t it be weird if I came up to a random white teenager and said, “Oh! Do you know the name of this lipstick that all the hot white chicks are using?” But it’s not weird if that lady asks me, because as we all know, Asians are all alike.

Click here to read more »

North… to the Future

The best video quality so far of William Shatner reciting Sarah Palin’s resignation speech. Go Hulu!

Commentary from Gawker:

It’s like Peggy Noonan, Jack London, and William Faulkner wandered into the woods with three buttons of peyote and one typewriter, and only this speech emerged.

[More fun exploring Palin's loss of coherency at Gawker.]

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Incoherency Deleted

I’m a little bit less drunk right now. Never ever ever post while drunk! Or really serious meds.

I have to go fall over now.

Update: I have something worked on for tomorrowsh. I’ll be better insh morningsh. Hydrating nawo.

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in 15 Minutes

Cleolinda has done a wonderful Movies in 15 Minutes parody of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and it’s managed to make me laugh out loud more than once, which is something of an accomplishment right now.

Several excerpts from my favorite scenes (but there are so many!):

Weasley & Weasley’s Plot Point Emporium

FRED (OR GEORGE): Wouldn’t it be awful if someone used our Instant Darkness Powder to infiltrate Hogwarts, thus leading to the death of Professor Dumbledore instead of just a harmless prank?
GEORGE (OR FRED): Well, that’s why I put an anti-irony charm on it!
FRED (OR GEORGE): Excellent.

The Littlest Voldemort

BABY TOM RIDDLE: Sometimes snakes whisper to me. They tell me where to hide the bodies.

GINNY: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[*crickets*]

HARRY: … That’s hot.

HERMIONE: LET ME TELL YOU, HOGWARTS, HOW DEEPLY I DO NOT CARE THAT RONALD IS SNOGGING SOMEONE ELSE.

LUPIN: NO THEY ARE NOT UP TO ANYTHING HARRY THAT IS RIDICULOUS WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO BITTER AND ANGRY????

TONKS: Sweetheart, I told you not to forget your Werewolf Midol.

SNAPE: Excuse me, POTTER, I was hoping to have a cryptically bitchy conversation with the headmaster.

DUMBLEDORE: You are no assassin, Draco.

DRACO: YOU DON’T KNOW ME! I CURSED KATIE BELL TO TAKE A NECKLACE THAT MIGHT EVENTUALLY GET TO YOU! I MADE SURE THAT MEAD THAT MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE GIVEN AWAY BY HORACE SLUGHORN WAS POISONED! I SPENT A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME SCREWING AROUND WITH CABINETS!

DUMBLEDORE: Draco… these actions are so convoluted and weak that I cannot help but feel that you are perhaps a bit of a pussy.

There’s much, much more over at m15m.

Cleolinda is genius.

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And I Had to Post It for Truth

funny pictures of cats with captions

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So, What the Candy Man and I Figured Out

Yet another personal post, but it’s not that heavy. Still, I’m putting in a cut.

So I visited my psychiatrist (I call him the Candy Man because he gives out the good meds) the other day…

Click here to read more »

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